14 posts tagged “movies”

OK, yes, I finally saw Cloverfield.

It sucks.

Didn't I see this movie already?  Whiny 20-something idiots running around getting lost with a video camera?  I'm sure I did.  I think it might have been called the Blair Witch Project.

For the entire movie, Ladybug and I were hoping Hog, or Hap, or Hud, or whatever the camera guy's name was would be killed just so we wouldn't have to listen to his moronic voice-over any more.  Yes, we all have emotionally stunted, needy, jerkoff friends like that who are good for little more than getting us all killed with their incompetence.  I stopped calling mine some years ago.  And then you kill the only character I gave a crap about, Milena, or whatever, the one who told Haphudhog he's a fucking idiot with his Superman commentary.

And you want to talk about an idiot plot?  Here's a dollar's worth of free advice, hipsters: when the rats are running from something, you don't fucking stop to figure out what it is.  All you're doing is proving that you're dumber than a rat.  If you've just been attacked by a large bug, and have found refuge behind a stout door with a viable water and air supply, what do you do?  Go back out into the dark?  Or hold up until morning?  I guess if you're a love-struck moron, you go back out in the dark.  Miranda, or whatever her name was, the cool one, she was dead anyway from that bite, with no real medical attention (and you didn't even think to try to get her some - even after you ran into the military).  Just freaking stick it out.  Hell, you were underground as well.  If we've learned anything from recent history, it's that bombs, however huge, don't kill people hiding in caves very effectively.

When Hoghaphud turned the camera on himself and said, "If this is the last thing you see . . .", I said, "then thank your lucky stars the moron is dead!"   I cheered when he got eaten.

And this magic camera of theirs.  Night vision?  A floodlight?  And with a battery and casing that will last for hours of recording and being knocked around, dropped, chewed and still record?  Yes, please, sign me up for one of them.  I can't get a battery for a video camera that lasts for 12 hours sitting in the camera doing nothing.  You're running a near IR sensor and a floodlight and recording all night long and into the morning.  Suspension of disbelief indeed.   We were waiting for them to engage the "alien blood trail detector," or "damsel in distress sensor," or, my personal preference, the "turn-this-into-a-movie-I-want-to-watch-o-meter."

And what was the point of the first half hour?  If this is suppsed to be a military recovery, why are we subjected to 30 minutes of MTV's The Real World?  Apart from making me loathe Hudhaphog and wanting him to die in the first attack.  And explaining why the main idiot wants to get all his friends killed to save some bit of tail he had a one day fling with.

OK, yes, I'd go back in to save my kids or my wife.  But I wouldn't take a video camera.  I'd take weapons.  Loot an electronics store for a phone battery?  Hell no, loot a gun store for some bad ass shotguns or automatic rifles.  And then steal a car.

Lily got out (amazingly, the ethnic minority survived), so at least we have a surviving character for Book of Idiots: Cloverfield 2.

Lotus continues to run a fever, so it's a no-daycare day again. 

However, since I was just moved to a new team, I really need to have some face time with the team lead and so on, so I really need to be able to go to the office today.

Today is also Day 1 for all the accountants in the world, so there was no way Ladybug was going to be able to stay home with Lotus. 

Solution: call my Mom.  Did so last night.  She said she could come over by 10.  No worries, that gives me enough face time in the office today.  Moving on.  Called my carpool mate to say I won't be going in until later.  She's fine with that, and will get another ride to the office (she has no car of her own, so she's sort of dependent on me). 

Father-in-law drops by.  They're clearing out the home of Ladybug's grandfather, deceased.  He has a box.  It is full of liquor.  Well, he was from an era in this country where the Man of the House came home to a drink every night, and since he was also pretty well off (Foxworth-Galbraith Lumber - he's the Galbraith) and had many dinner parties, his liquor cabinet is bigger than most of my closets.  He was also, however, a child of the Depression and Prohibition, so it's mostly cheap liquor.  I mean, gin and tequila bottled by no-name companies in plastic gallon bottles.  Yerg.  There is also a bottle of creme de menthe, and some vermouth, and so on.  Also, a nearly full bottle (opened, but not much missing) of armagnac, hors d'age quality.  Ladybug figures he tried some and hated it.  I look this up, and apparently, it's the best you can do for armagnac (yes, BD, I also got your e-mail, but I did, in fact, do a little research before that as well - but thanks). 

Now that I have a hectic day behind me of working from home and monitoring a child at the same time (not easy - faerie~wings knows this), I decide to partake of some of this ill-gotten alcohol, because deep inside every sober dad is a drunk teenager wondering what the hell happened.  I pull out my trusty Mr. Boston that I got in college, and discover a drink called a Green Dragon, which is equal parts creme de menthe and gin, with some lime juice thrown in for good measure.  I whip up some of this with some limeade we have in the house (to go with the rum we smuggled back from Costa Rica), and it's actually pretty damn good.  Tasty enough to drink, and strong enough to get me nicely stoned before watching Heavy Metal.

And I didn't even have to pay for it this morning.  Well, except for three things: one, Lotus has to stay home again (mentioned this already); two, I got a call well after I passed out for the night from carpool buddy saying she couldn't find a ride, so can she ride with me at around 10 (fine); and three, it turns out that my parents forgot about a doc appointment my dad has today.

Oi.

So, I get this call at around 9:15.  Appointment is at 10. 

Solution: take kids to parent's house, but get carpool buddy first, drop her at work, go to parents' house after mom drops dad at doc, swap car seat into mom's car, leave Lotus with parents, head back to work, take deep breath.  Fortunately, my parents live not 5 minutes from my work.

If this happens again, I'll just kick all this in the head and drop Lotus off early in the morning for the day. 

Mom will be coming up to the house anyway this evening, as she usually does on a Wednesday, so I don't even have to go pick her up.  Though I do have to pick up Tesla, due to, again, Day 1 for accountants.

Last night, Harkins had a major event.  A screening of Star Wars for charity.  Ladybug and I went, as Ladybug had never seen Star Wars in a theater.  What better way than to go see it on one of the largest screens out there.  Of course, the event was so well attended, the theater opened one of the smaller screens to show Live Free or Die Hard.  Some people left to watch that.  I have no idea why, as they could go see it the very next night in the huge theater we were sitting in.  And when would they get a chance to see Star Wars on a huge screen again?

It was a fantastic event.  Members of the Dune Sea Garrison (winners of the Cleverest Name for a Star Wars Fan Garrison [or would at least have my vote if such a thing existed]) attended in full regalia.  We had Darth Vader, Darth Maul, the Emperor, several Storm Troopers, Jango and Boba Fett, and even a Scout Trooper thrown in for good measure.  R2-D2 even made a brief appearance.

A theater of 604 people sat mostly silently for the movie, except for the more appropriate areas: cheering for Darth Vader, Obi Wan, Luke, Leia, a big whoop for Han and Chewie.  I was so impressed I could have plotzed.  Of course, for $40, you're going to have a little more vested interest in enjoying the film, even if it's 3 decades old.  Or at least 1 decade old (it was a copy of the 1997 re-release).  I was gratified when the audience booed Greedo shooting first.  Han shot first.  It's a fact.  You can't white-wash history. 

For $40 we got an open bar, free food (Chinese, veggies, pastries, fruit and cheese, it was quite a spread), all the popcorn and soda we wanted for the movie, and goodie bags with Harkins cups (good for $1 refills for a year), coupons for Harkins shirts (good for $1 large popcorns for a year), two movie passes, and some other things I didn't investigate because the movie was starting. 

Dan Harkins, the son of the founder, and owner of the chain now, also gave us a history of the original Cine Capri, and all the charitable events it had been associated with over the 30 or so years of it's existence.   It was a a great time for a great cause.

Oh, wait, did I forget to mention the cause?  TCH, the Centers for Habilitation, a highly worthy cause helping out Arizona's disabled population for the last, well, 30 years or so.

Battleship Potemkin

Last night, I finally got around to watching Battleship Potemkin.  It's a film about, well, the Battleship Potemkin, the horrible conditions that lead to a mutiny, and incited the seaport of Odessa to revolt.  You'll have to read some history about it to find out more.

There were several things that amazed me.  If you leave aside the propaganda aspects of the film, it is truly a landmark work.  There are scenes in the film that have been used over and over in modern cinema.  And for a film made in 1925, the story of rising against oppression is still a strong theme today.

I did have a bit of a blonde moment though.  There are some scenes shot at Odessa harbor, with all the ships and so forth.  I remember thinking, "Wow, they really did a good job making those ships look authentic."  Well, duh.  It was filmed in 1925.  They are authentic. 

Many is the time that I will post something on here, and then listen as the sound is sucked out of the room by the complete lack of any kind of response. 

Not so my Open Letter post.  Yesterday evening, I received a very kind and concerned note from the Guest Services Coordinator for Harkins Theaters.  She not only took the time to respond to my concerns, but she took the time to create an account on Vox to do it!  And here I was thinking that no one ever read my posts . . . well, no one I don't know personally already.

Out of a sense of fairness, then, I feel compelled to point out at least one bit of information (which I was unaware of previously), and to add her to my neighborhood list, should she wish to provide any further details.

Harkins Theaters hands out "Crying Baby Cards" to guests with small children.  These cards serve the dual purpose of being a gentle reminder that, should their child become restless, they should take their child to the lobby or otherwise out of the the theater, as well as informing the guests in question that Harkins will refund their ticket price so that they can return at another date, thus rewarding parents for doing the right thing.  My hope would be that the guest in question would be smart enough to either leave the child at home a second time (with appropriate supervision), or bring the child at a time when said child would be more likely to sit through the film, but that is the parent's decision, not Harkins's.

I have to say, this policy impresses me, and shows me that Harkins is, indeed, very concerned about those of us who are real movie buffs, who want to continue to enjoy movies in fantastic venues like the Cine Capri.   So, credit where credit is due, and a large thank you to Harkins for making the effort to provide an excellent movie going experience.

It also means that the family that got me all riled up in the first place really had no excuse to continue to subject the rest of the movie goers to their sick child, and all the blame for that situation rests squarely at their feet.

Update: I was able to speak, as in on the phone, with the Guest Services Coordinator personally!  Fantastic!  This is the kind of dedication to great customer service that I had, frankly, forgotten existed (see any of my posts tagged "sears" from last year).  I am duly impressed.   Also, Harkins provides play areas for kids at some of their theaters now!  Clearly, they are doing everything they can to make sure people have a great experience.  And when they don't, they're dedicated to making it right.  So, yes, I am a happy, happy, happy customer of Harkins again.

>checks to see what's on next at Cine Capri<

To Harkins Theaters:

I've been a customer of yours for a long, long time.  I've been coming to see films at your various theaters since I was 5, and my Dad took me to see Star Wars (back when it was just called Star Wars).  I understand that movie theaters today are under a lot of pressure to remain profitable.  Attendance is dropping, the production companies are demanding a bigger cut of the profits, and the competition from home theaters (like my own 62" HD widescreen and surround sound setup) is taking away the most affluent customers, the ones who don't mind paying 4 bucks for a soda.  At some level, I can understand that you don't want to turn away any paying customers.

My wife and I have young children, so we don't get to go out to the theaters much these days.  We have to pick and choose which films we feel must absolutely be seen in the theater, and which ones can wait until they appear on DVD.  Most dramas don't make the cut.  It's mostly the more action-and-special-effects-heavy ones, the ones which most benefit from the total immersion a gigantic screen and 30 speakers like the Cine Capri can offer, that we make the effort to attend.

At $10 a seat, you're not making much of a case these days.  I can easily keep that $20 (plus the two bucks I shell out for online ticket purchasing so I can avoid the droves of strategically shaved monkeys dragging their knuckles through the box office lines) and purchase the DVD, which I can watch in the comfort of my home with my cheap air-popped corn, my enormous box of Nerds, and a 2 liter of Coke.

300, however, convinced us.  I've heard from other people that it might just be the last film that we ever need to go see.  After witnessing it personally last Saturday, I have to agree.  The only thing that even remotely marred my experience was the family who saw fit to bring a toddler to the movie.  And a sick toddler at that.  During the few lulls in the action, it was my misfortune to have to sit and listen to the poor child's pathetic coughing while King Leonidas explains to Ephialtes how Spartans defend one another in combat. 

As I said, I get out to few movies these days.  Eventually, my children will be old enough to attend such films with me.  When they are, say, 13 or 14.  The point being, I was loathe to get up and find an usher to have this family, or at least the toddler and a parent, removed from the theater.  For my $10, I expect to see the whole movie.  Not most of it, followed by spending the major exposition portions of the film looking for someone to do the job that the ticket taker should have been doing.  Or the person standing at the entrance to the theater.  That job?  Ensuring that the movie-going experience is a positive one for the majority of the movie goers.  And part of that is weeding out so-called parents who bring children of an inappropriate age and disposition to a movie.  If I was seeing Bambi, I wouldn't have minded so much.  My wife took my daughter to see an animated feature when she was 2 and a half and well-behaved enough to sit quietly for 30 minutes at a time (after which my wife would take her to the lobby for a short break).  It was during the day, when children can be expected to be in a movie theater showing a film for children.  It was not to, quite possibly, the most violent and bloody film in the history of cinema (though not unnecessarily so) that gets out at the hour of 9 PM. 

I greatly enjoyed the film.  But the overall experience leads me to think that I could have greatly enjoyed the film in my own home.  Is that the image you want to portray to people like myself?  People who once spent a summer counting pennies to see if they had enough to go catch their fourth matinée in a week (it was UHF)? People who's children will soon be old enough for them to come to the theaters as well? 

By sacrificing the custom of these ill-mannered parents (who, by the way, smuggled in their own food and drink - in contrast, I purchased a box of Sno-Caps and a Dr. Pepper), you are likely to gain the custom of more people like me, and ensure our patronage in the future.  Instead, you've made me consider taking my few outings now, and many outings to come, to a competitor.  One who will step up and make the hard choice to ensure that those of us who would like to enjoy a film in a theater are able to do so.

Edit: See my post for 3/28 above.  Seriously.

To the family that brought a sick 2 year old to 300 late on a Saturday night:

I really see little difference between you and that woman who drowned her kids.  You're selfish to the point of endangerment.  Not only putting your own enjoyment above that of the other patrons of the movie house, but above the well being of your own offspring.  There were 6 adults in your group.  Surely attending this film could have been split into two groups, to share the task of child care for a sick child.  I enlisted the help of my mother-in-law for child care, and offered to attend the film with her at a later date, should she so desire, so I know it's possible to do this.  And my children weren't even sick!  Your false concern of asking your child if she was OK in the lobby after the film was over made me want to stab all of you in the throat and kidnap the child to be placed into better care, say, by wolves.  As it is, I'm sorry I walked out in disgust before throwing the rest of my Dr. Pepper in your face, which I was sorely tempted to do.

Perhaps it is your cultural background which makes you think you all need to go see a film together, regardless of the effect it might have on your ill offspring.  I was brought up to respect the cultural backgrounds of many people.  Of course, then I grew up and discovered that some people's cultural backgrounds drive them to lop the heads off infidels.  At which point I decided that there were cultural backgrounds that can be respected, and those that cannot.  Yours cannot.  I suggest you go back to Norway, or Mexico, or Alabama, or East LA, or China, or Harlem, or Seattle, or where ever it was you learned to treat your children like that, and stay there.  And if you're from around here, just stay home.  And, you know, take care of your child. By the standards of basic animal instinct for the preservation of your offspring, you are the worst parents I've seen in person.  In fact, you can't even be called parents.  "Genetic donors" is about as far as I'd go in describing your relationship to your child. 

You make me physically ill.  The way you are bringing up your child is more horrifying to me than watching every limb and head be severed in all of the film.  I hope I'm not living next to you when that kid decides to shoot up a 7-11.

Well, that's it for another Thanksgiving.  As it turns out, our friends, who will be moving to the Bay Area (taking one of Lotus's best friends with them) were not able to attend, due to varied illnesses around their home.  Which was rapidly followed up with an apparently broken finger.  Talk about bad luck.  Also, no kids table.  Guess that first will have to wait for another year.

But we did manage to get the rest of the family together.  Had a great time with the whole family.  I even managed to have a discussion with my in-laws that didn't make me want to tear their eyes out.  Plus, I cracked open one of my better bottles of scotch with my father-in-law, which my wife hailed as a breakthrough.  I suppose it is.  Up until now, I couldn't bring myself to share any of my good stuff with him.  Because I don't like him much.  Let's just say that if I ever needed an example of how not to parent two daughters, I have one.

The next day, the wife and my sister took Lotus to see Happy Feet.  I suppose it was pretty good.  Lotus seemed to like it a lot.  She wants to go back to dance class, which is fine.  We just don't know how or when we'd be able to manage that.  I spent the day with Tesla, mostly sleeping and generally enjoying some quiet time to myself.  I had both kids to myself in the evening, due to it being Black Friday, and having a wife who works retail (at the moment).  The generalized consumerism of that day always brings out the unremitting Scrooge in me, and this year is no different.  I simply renewed my vow to do better than 90% of my shopping online again this year. 

On Saturday, we went to see Casino Royale.  That's a really good movie.  For those of you who haven't seen it yet, go see it.  It's a good action movie, with excellent writing and well-developed characters.  It just happens to be wrapped in the Bond mythos.  For anyone who's followed Bond for the last decade or so, prepare yourself for a very different sort of Bond film.  For one thing, it's actually good.  I think it replaces The World Is Not Enough as the best Bond film since I was born.  After the film, Fire came over for some grilling (chicken marinated in beer with garlic and onion), and my sister stuck around as well (she was babysitting for us).  That was a fun evening of talk and drink. 

Yesterday, we went to the auto show.  It's been sort of a tradition for us to go with Air, and this year was no exception.  We'd been doing it since before Lotus was born, and taking the kids with us is a great family outing.  Lotus enjoyed getting in all the cars and so forth, just so long as Air wasn't in there with her.  Tesla charmed all the booth babes.  Let me tell you, I now have about 8 Lottery cars (cars that you buy when you win the Lottery).  Of more interest to me in the short term are some of the "second" cars I saw there.  The Pontiac Vibe would make a good second car.  The G6 hardtop convertible . . . also good, but for that sort of thing, I think I like the VW Eos better (it retains more trunk space with the top down).  I'm liking the Suzuki SX4 more and more, as an all-wheel-drive replacement for the Aerio, which was sort of dull.  MotorWeek also liked the SX4, so it's probably a good deal.  The Honda Fit is cute, but I like the Scion xA better for a sub-compact.  As always, the Mini Cooper S would make a great second car, but they're expensive for the amount of car you get.  We sat in the Dodge Caliber, which I also liked a great deal.  I can't wait for Dodge to make the Challenger concept a reality, because that's just sex on wheels.  As an aside, fat redneck children should be shot on sight for mistaking it for the Camaro.  I mean, Christ, just grow a mullet and marry your sister out behind your trailer, and start squeezing out flipper kids, because with a lack of awareness like that, you're never going to get either a Camaro or a Challenger.  Ever.  Jeep has a Trail Rated version of the Compass now, called the Patriot (thankfully - Jeep diluting the Trail Rated branding of their line just to introduce a compact crossover was a really bad idea in my opinion).  We all got in the Nissan Versa, and I'd consider it, if I didn't have to go to a Nissan dealership to get one.  Also, if it wasn't a Nissan.  Making the battery contact in the Altima non-replaceable without a complete wire harness replacement was either horrible design, or genius price gouging.  I don't really like either option there, so I will likely not ever get another Nissan.  Which is sad, because my wife and I both like the Z a lot.  Air has always been a big Corvette fan, so that was a serious attraction for him.  However, he was surprised by the Saturn Sky (which I like the edgy styling of as well).  His statement of, "When did Saturn start making cool cars?" pretty much sums up most people's reaction to the Sky, I think.

Since you're interested, the Lottery cars are: the Cadillac XLR-V, the Ferrari, the Porsche Cayman (in yellow), the Audi S8, the Corvette Z06, the Mercedes SL55 AMG, the BMW M4 convertible, and our perennial favorite, the Dodge Viper.

I forgot to mention my Saturday.  You'd think I would have. 

My sister and mother babysat for us.  That's getting easier to do, since the kids are getting into a rhythm, as it were.  I can almost count on both kids being asleep by 8 PM these days.

So, while the kids got some quality time with their aunt and grandmother, respectively, I got some quality time with my wife.  Which is nice.  It means we can remember how to be a married couple, since, eventually, these little brats will move out, and it will be back to us again.

We had a passable dinner at Macaroni Grill.  Frankly, I'm not all that impressed with them.  It's good food, don't get me wrong, but the faux dive atmosphere is starting to get on my nerves.  I think I'll find a good greasy spoon and go there next time.

Then, we went to a movie.  There isn't much in the way of date movies out at the moment.  We considered a number of films.  Fearless.  Flyboys (which, I hear, we should have seen, because the sfx are fantastic).  In the end, we decided on Crank.  I like Jason Statham, he's got a dry, dark humor delivery that makes me laugh, even if he's just lopped off a guy's hand with a meat cleaver.

It's a very different movie, at least to my mind.  I am sure there are plenty of hitman movies.  And plenty of race against the clock movies.  But the movie ends differently from most movies of it's type, and the steps taken to make the clock run longer are . . . interesting.  The cinematography is also excellent, conveying the feelings of the lead character very well.  Anyway, I might get it for my permanent collection.  On the other hand, I already know the ending, so . . . how many times can I really watch it?

Good stuff.  Liked it a lot.

And yes, my ass is still sore.

Dan Aykroyd is not a funny man.

Oh, he's been in funny movies.  Some extremely funny movies that I watch all the time, like The Blues Brothers, and Ghostbusters.  But he's not a funny man.  He's a straight man.  He's made a very good career out of being a straight man.  None of the movies he's been in would have been as funny if he wasn't in them being the straight man.

Still not convinced?  Think about every movie that you've seen Dan Aykroyd in.  Now think about what he was really doing in the film.  Need help?  OK.

Ghostbusters: Straight man to Bill Murray's Venkman.  Serious the whole time.  Result: hilarity.
Ghostbusters II: Attempts to be funny man.  Recites lines that would have been hilarious coming out of Bill Murray's mouth.  Result: unfunny movie that sullies the good memories of the first one.
The Blues Brothers: Straight man to John Belushi's manic Jake.  Delivers every line dead pan.  Result: one of the funniest SNL based movies of all time.
Blues Brothers 2000: Tries to carry this movie almost completely by himself.  Result: the less said the better.  John Goodman, I love you, and I love what you tried to do in this picture.  Dan should have given you more to do though.
Dragnet: Straightest straight man ever in the history of television, movies, novels, poetry, Egyptian hieroglyphs, Grecian urns and pulp fiction.  Probably the funniest performance Dan has ever given.  But he's not funny.  He played Joe Friday so straight it's like he found some kind of here-to-fore unknown boundary conditions in the realm of humor and non-humor where the one folds back on the other like some sort of n-dimensional wormhole.
Doctor Detriot: One of Dan's early attempts at humor.  Can't pull it off.  Because he's not funny.
Driving Miss Daisy: It's not even a comedy, and Dan's performance is fantastic.  Who's he playing straight to?  Jessica Tandy.  Go watch it again.  She bounces so many one-liners off him you'd think it was vaudeville all over again.
Sneakers: He uses his straightness to wind up everyone else on the team, calmly espousing the most ridiculous of conspiracy theories.  His non-chalant delivery of, "Cattle mutilations are up," is a funny line.  Delivered deadpan to Sidney Poitier, the resulting hilarity is just too much to handle.
Spies Like Us: Straight man to Chevy Chase.  Need I go on?  No.

Look, I'm not saying he's not a fantastic actor.  I'm not saying that he's not made some very funny and enduring films.  I'm just saying that the films he's the most funny in are the ones where he's not trying to act funny.  It's very strange, I know.  He's like the anti-Jim-Carrey.  But that's another blog post . . .

So, got to see A Scanner Darkly with a good friend last night.  The movie, excellent, the company, first rate.

Before that, went to dinner at a very good Hunan place by the name of The Pot Sticker on Waverly in Chinatown. 

Could be chicken.

Did some shopping as well, got some nice tea, and some trinkets for the kids.

But, it was also the last night of me getting totally blasted.  So, I had a rather bad margarita at Chevy's.  Just one.  Sorry, no drunken ravings for the both of you to amuse yourself with.

And so, we draw to a close Will's week of Living La Vida Loca in San Fran.  Had a great time, got to see some old friends and new ones.  Fought a couple of hangovers.  Bought some crazy crap in Japantown and Chinatown.  What more can you ask for?