Last Thing I Want To Do Is Hurt You

So, get ready for TSA rectal probing.  A bomber in Saudi Arabia tried to blow up a Prince with a bomb up his ass.  Based on the last two major failed bombing attempts (shoes and liquids) have resulted in air passengers having to adjust to new regulations, it's really only a matter of time.

But that's not what I'm here to say today.  This month marks one year since I left Accenture.  And I think it's high time I posted a long conversation about what happened to start the long slide I took that eventually ended in my resignation.  So, here is a conversation I had with Blood Dragon many moons ago . . .

December, 2007

09:35

White Roses: Maybe it's just that it's been a very long month, what with the kids having doctor's appointments on average once a week for November, coupled with me being out of the office for very legitimate reasons, coupled with the other situation, that they just chose the wrong month to come pester me about being a warm body in the office.

10:00

Blood Dragon: Ahh.

Blood Dragon: Are they pestering you again?

10:10

White Roses: Yes.

Blood Dragon: Not very smart.

White Roses: Not really.

White Roses: My favorite one was the suggestion that I should use back up dependent care. It's a great service provided by Accenture, but it doesn't at all solve the reason why I leave at 4: only Ladybug and I can get the kids from daycare.

Blood Dragon: Yeah.

White Roses: And if you come to me on Monday and tell me I need to be in the office late on Tuesday, guess what, I haven't planned for that, I can't do it.

White Roses: I can't stand being pushed.

Blood Dragon: I know. I fail to see why they don't get it.

White Roses: Now, in the end, Ladybug and I managed to sort it out.

White Roses: But it still pissed me off. A lot.

Blood Dragon: Yes. So...you need to do two things.

Blood Dragon: One, do that thing you want to do when they piss you off - check job listings. Normal, makes you feel better, reminds you there are options.

Blood Dragon: Two, take the following steps:

Blood Dragon: 1. Explain it to the person giving you shit. Calmly, at first.

Blood Dragon: 2. Explain to that person's boss why it's an issue, if 1 didn't get you any satisfaction.

10:15

Blood Dragon: 3. Explain it to HR, if 2 didn't give you any satisfaction. "It's making me feel like they want me to think the job is more important than my family. I can't be productive in that sort of hostile atmosphere."

White Roses: It's funny, one of the people who flaked me mentioned yesterday that he got shit from his boss about leaving yesterday and missing a meeting so he could go see his daughter's christmas pageant.

White Roses: He was told to "Plan these things better."

Blood Dragon: Oh, really...

White Roses: To which my response would have been a heel hand strike to the nose.

Blood Dragon: You definitely want to talk to HR. But remember to lodge your complaints in the proper chain-of-command order. Calmly.

Blood Dragon: Just keep using phrases like:

White Roses: And he gets these whisperings when he leaves at 5:30.

Blood Dragon: "Thought this company was family-friendly"

Blood Dragon: "I get all my assigned work done, and more"

White Roses: So, well, I figure this, if he's getting crap about 5:30, and I'm getting crap at 4, does someone want to tell me why I should stay late?

Blood Dragon: "It's hard to be productive when you're fretting about your very small children"

White Roses: There's no way I can stay as late as the childless or non-parenting-parents.

Blood Dragon: And my personal favorite, "hostile environment"

White Roses: Heh.

Blood Dragon: I'm serious. Write them down if you need to. That needs to go to HR.

10:30

White Roses: They're down. [The main reason I have this chat around, still, is that it served as fodder for the first of many official letters to my management - maybe I'll post those next . . .]

10:35

Blood Dragon: Other handy phrases: "work/life balance"

White Roses: Honestly, I don't know what they're thinking. I heard about all the opportunities here at Avnet, if you want more responsibility, all you have to do is ask for it. Well, guess what, I don't want more responsibilities at this point.

White Roses: So I'm not asking.

White Roses: And somehow, that makes me not meet expectations?

White Roses: Maybe they need to, I don't know, lower their expectations of me.

Blood Dragon: Someone is being stupid.

White Roses: Several people are, I suspect.

Blood Dragon: If you (generally) like working there, you need to find out who they are and have them properly stomped upon.

White Roses: And then there's the whole discussion about mentoring.

Blood Dragon: Because I guarantee you, there is someone above them who will be angry if they are "picking on" people who are trying to spend time with their family.

White Roses: Well, if you put me on the tasks like writing spreadsheets and building MDBs that NO ONE ELSE IS WORKING ON OR HAS ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT . . .

Blood Dragon: Yeah.

White Roses: Then I really don't have anyone to mentor, do I?

White Roses: I mean, apart from my counsellees who AREN"T ON THIS PROJECT BUT APPRECIATE ALL I DO FOR THEM

White Roses: I need to make this project understand that, as far as I'm concerned, it's not all about this project for me.

White Roses: If that makes you want me off the project, so be it.

White Roses: I'm sure you can find someone you can strap to the desk and force to work all hours and get NOTHING DONE like the majority of the people I see here late.

Blood Dragon: Is it people in YOUR company, or people in the hosting company?

White Roses: My company.

Blood Dragon: Do you think someone from the host company is causing the pressure?

White Roses: The hosting company seems pretty happy, and my direct report in the hosting company would rather I DIDN'T work weekends.

10:40

White Roses: Or all hours.

White Roses: So, no, I don't think it's coming from the hosting company.

Blood Dragon: Ahhhh. You need that. In writing, preferably.

Blood Dragon: Something like this:

White Roses: What I think it is is panic because we're going to be "code complete' on 12/19, and it's going to be a hell of a horse race to get it done.

White Roses: And no one understands that one is never, ever, code complete when they're supposed to be.

White Roses: It's like the one day we're guaranteed *not* to be code complete.

Blood Dragon: "Do me a favor. Write a letter or email to your boss telling him how pleased you are with my productivity and such and all. You don't even have to actually send it to him...just make sure you send a copy to me...and my boss."

Blood Dragon: I mean, it costs your direct report nothing but a little time. And then you "owe him one". Most people like that...

White Roses: True.

10:45

White Roses: I'll see if he's amenable to that sort of thing next week.

White Roses: I need to get a wider perspective before I decide how to address this officially.

Blood Dragon: Couldn't hurt.

White Roses: Oh true.

White Roses: What I need to do though is reach a point where heel hand strike to the nose isn't my first response.

White Roses: The stresses I am under this week are not helping.

Blood Dragon: Yeah, I know, and agree. You need to calm...a LOT...first. Because when you talk to them, you're gonna get pissed.

10:50

White Roses: I have a one-on-one with my out-of-town location lead tonight, after our community meeting.

Blood Dragon: phone?

White Roses: No, she's here in town.

White Roses: It'll be in person.

White Roses: And she's a good lady.

Blood Dragon: OK, start there.

White Roses: So, I think, once she hears my side of the issues, I should be in a better position.

White Roses: Here's the biggest thing I love.

White Roses: All these folks asking for more responsibilities? There's one big one that none of them have: coding.

White Roses: I have code I have to deliver.

Blood Dragon: Yeah.

White Roses: Me.

White Roses: Personally.

Blood Dragon: You should write down all these things.

White Roses: I don't have a team to delegate that to.

Blood Dragon: So you don't leave any out.

White Roses: It's all being copied.

Blood Dragon: And mention the word "persecuted" at least once.

Blood Dragon: "...persecuted for caring about my little girls..."

White Roses: I think the biggest thing is this. I made a decision that my kids are more important than my work.

White Roses: And I live up to that every day.

White Roses: So, if, one day, my choice was meet a deadline or care for my ill child, guess which one it's going to be?

White Roses: Deadlines aren't.

Blood Dragon: "My kids are important to me...more than anything else. If that's going to be a problem, here, tell me now, and I'll start looking."

10:55

White Roses: On my personal list of important things, there's my kids.

White Roses: Then a rather lot of blank space before we get to the next list item, and that one's not work either.

Blood Dragon: I know. It's ME! (Kidding...)

White Roses: Considering I abandoned work for 4 hours to go see The Simpsons Movie with you, I think you can figure out for yourself where you rate compared to work.

White Roses: Work isn't even in the top 5.

Blood Dragon: (I'm actually somewhere below, "Women I don't know, but would love to fuck, if I ever decide to be dumb enough to cheat on my wife".

Blood Dragon: )

White Roses: Possibly, yes.

Blood Dragon: LOL

Blood Dragon: ABOVE that are "Women I DO know," etc.

White Roses: Heh.

Blood Dragon: And above that, assorted family.

White Roses: I'll work on my "career" when my kids are older.

Blood Dragon: If then.

White Roses: If ACN is willing to let me keep stasis with them until then, fine. If not, I've already got a line on another consulting company which, while they won't pay me if I'm not working, will pay me better when I am.

Blood Dragon: I mean, seriously. That whole "up the ladder" thing...it's not for everyone. Do you want to be a manager? I've been one most of my life. It's a lot like being a baby-sitter, but for theoretical adults.

White Roses: I really don't think I want to be a manager.

White Roses: A small team lead, maybe.

Blood Dragon: That's one of the things I like about Amex. I asked, and from the beginning, they've said they have no problem with people who don't want to climb the ladder.

White Roses: Well, the thing here is, I'm at the top of a ladder now.

11:00

Blood Dragon: I have no interest. If Amex wants to keep paying me to be a techie, I'll keep being a techie.

White Roses: I don't technically have to climb any more.

Blood Dragon: Yeah.

White Roses: But it seems like other people want me to climb because they see something in me that either isn't there, or I simply don't see.

Blood Dragon: For me to get any kind of significant increase would require me to become at a minimum a 'team leader'.

Blood Dragon: Yeah, or they're projecting.

Blood Dragon: They want to, and don't understand why you don't.

Blood Dragon: I have had to put my job ahead of my family. Had to for 21 years (well, didn't have a family the whole time...).

Blood Dragon: It isn't fun.

Blood Dragon: I missed a lot of things.

Blood Dragon: But it's a choice I made.

White Roses: There may come a time when I have to.

Blood Dragon: And when I retired, I told myself that it wouldn't be that way again.

Blood Dragon: In any conflict between family and work, family wins.

Blood Dragon: Period.

White Roses: And strangely, JC is supportive of that, she said, "Look at it this way, having a stable career is providing for your family."

Blood Dragon: Yes.

White Roses: But, well, dammit, you can have stable without climbing a ladder.

Blood Dragon: But you also don't want to be the guy working 20/6 to provide for your family...whom you never see.

White Roses: Anyway, lots to talk about with my lead today.

White Roses: I've got it written down now.

White Roses: I'll review it a couple times more.

Blood Dragon: The guy who overworks and stresses himself into an early grave, thereby missing a LOT more.

Apparently not.

Sure, it's their regional associate, but it's still got Continental's name on the plane.  It's like they don't even know about basic human compassion!  Locking people on a plane for 9 hours?  You've got to be fucking kidding me!  Yeah, there were infants on board, but who cares?  Locking anyone on a plane for 9 hours is reprehensible.  But 47 people, on a regional jet?  Those things have one lavatory.  And not a lot of storage tank space.  If you take my meaning.  

I've made good on my promise to never fly Continental ever again since a similar situation took place in July of 2007. My boss actually sent me a proposed flight to get me to Boston in a couple weeks.  I declined.  Told him I'd make up the difference in cost if that's what it meant (found something cheaper anyway).  Told him why.  He's reconsidering flying them ever again as well.

Don't give them your money.  Just don't do it.

Look, every airline has issues.  But Continental seems to be the absolute worst.  I've never heard anything so miserable about any other airline.  I've experienced some bad service (I'm looking at you, American Airlines), and I tend to write off companies pretty easily when it comes to giving them my money, but this isn't a one off.  This isn't a tragic coincidence.  This is a systemic problem with Continental.

No, my reason, today, is their dumb online bill pay app.  Never mind that it took them 4 months to get mine set up (after I was involuntarily sold to them by Citibank - apparently Citigroup decided my never-late-low-interest-charges credit card account just wasn't worth their time, or something).  No, my problem is the way it tries to keep you on the treadmill of credit card payments for ever.

Case in point, if you log in to e-Bill, or whatever they're calling it this week, you have a pay link shown to you.  Clicking on the pay link presents you with a form, pre-filled out.  Here's the information it populates: payment account (my checking account), payment date (set to the due date of your last statement), and payment amount (set to the minimum payment due).

Let's start with the most egregious of these: the payment date.  That's the date that the payment will be posted to the credit card account.  But the payment date is just a string of numbers.  There's no indication of what day of the week that is.  What if it's Sunday?  My bank isn't going to post payments on a Sunday, and so, just by using their app's defaults, I'm into late fee territory.  Nice work, BofA!

And the payment amount?  Yeah, let's default to the minimum payment, with no reference points on the screen as to what the full payment would be.  To sort that out, I had to go back a page and restart my bill payment, which, by the way, forces me back to the original payment date.  

So, they're basically trying to screw you into late fees and taking forever to pay off your credit card, just hoping that no one will want to do the extra work to pay a different amount or check what day it will be posted.

Most other payments I've had to do online give me the options I might want right there on the screen: radio buttons with minimum, full, and other, a date entry with a little calendar that pops up so you can easily check.  But no.  BofA wants to screw you because they took our tax dollars and it's still not enough for them.  They are actively offshoring jobs, and even have a patent to describe the process, and it's still not enough.

Anyway, I'm paying off my card.  The only reason I'm even keeping it is because of the money it's generating for my kid's college savings.  But that's starting to seem like it's not worth it at all.

Last week, that's exactly what happened to me.

Some history.

In September of last year, I left, under less than positive circumstances, a 4 year career with Accenture.  I had been working on a project here in Phoenix for a company called Avnet.  The list of grievances on both sides was long.  It was what it was.  That's all I can really say.

Fortunately, I was able to land a job in short order as a contractor with Pearson.  Actually, I had the job within 48 hours of finding out I was being rated the lowest Senior Systems Analyst in the West region.  Because, you know, people who suck that hard, yeah, they find it hard to find a new job.  It was a much better job, in a much better environment.  There were issues.  There always are.  Nothing that I would have quit over, except that a better job offer came along at the right time.  The right time being, in this case, when Pearson wanted to extend my contract, rather than hiring me full time.

The job I landed reduced my daily commute by infinity percent, since I now work at home.  I see my kids all the time. I have some travel, but it's not constant.  My co-workers are all on East Coast time, so my work hours are basically 6 AM to 2 PM.  It's great.  I couldn't ask for a better job or better career prospects, especially at a time like this.

But there's always that nagging doubt, isn't there?  What if I had stuck it out with Accenture, worked out my problems, completely knuckled under to Avnet's absurd demands, like the rest of the team was doing, and tried to continue on with Accenture as I had done for the prior 4 years?  What if I had taken Pearson's offer to remain on as a contractor, and maybe, eventually, get hired full time?

Two things happened last week to confirm that I made the right choice.

First, I got a call from a fellow Pearson contractor.  All contractors are out by the end of the summer.  Do I know of anything?  Nope.  Sorry to hear that all contractors are out the door in less than 6 months from when I left (and, by the way, I had only been offered a 3 month contract, thus meaning my ass would have been out the door as well).  Let me ask my old friends at Avnet . . .

Got on IM, connected to my old account, saw three or four people from the Accenture team at Avnet.  Odd.  Didn't expect to see them all at once like that, since Avnet is a little draconian on the IM front.  From three of them, I got the story: Avnet fired Accenture the week before.  Everyone was told to transition in a week, and be gone before the end of the month.  Now, with Accenture, one can get a new contract.  Eventually.  But with my record?  Because of that contract?  Not likely.  And local?  No way.  The one person I know who was local on that contract, well, she's screwed.  There's nothing in town.  She's looking at travel at basically 100%.  Sorry to hear that (well, not really; from the day I left, I knew Accenture was going to get the can - Accenture sucked on that project, and no one wanted to listen to me when I said it was the management just plain not doing their jobs).

So, here I am.  I dodged two bullets this year.

I.

Am.

Neo.

First, who can tell me where this quotation is from?

Anyone?

Well, a few weeks back, I was standing around, minding my own business, in a peaceable assembly of people (that's a hint, if you haven't gotten the reference yet), when up come a collection of duly appointed representatives of our government, and they frisked basically everyone.  

If you don't know the reference yet, (a) it's the 4th Amendment to the Constitution, and (b) get familiar with the Constitution.

So, what was I doing that made the government think they could reasonably search my person?  That's right, I had committed the incredible crime of "standing in an airport."  

No.  This was not at the security station.  I had already passed through that area, and been forced to take off my shoes, and separate out my liquids (not that I bring any, any more), and pass through a metal detector (not really an issue), and had completed that little trial without incident.

I was waiting for my plane at the gate with about 100 other folks (it wasn't a full flight), traveling from Austin back to Phoenix.

This practice does nothing to protect me from terrorists.

What it does is get me used to living in a police state where my Constitutional rights mean exactly dick.

The Executive Branch is charged with enforcing the laws.  Tell me, President Obama, why aren't you enforcing the 4th Amendment?  Yes, the oath got screwed up at your swearing in ceremony.  But I hear you went back and did it properly later, which says to me that you are at least partially aware of the Constitution and the rights it guarantees to the people.

So tell me.  Were these duly appointed representatives of your government breaking the law?  Or is "standing in an airport" now a crime?  Because if situational proximity is basically grounds for search and seizure, that's a damn slippery slope.

I work at home now.  Got a sweet new job with a company on the rise, and it means my commute is "walk downstairs in pajamas."  The pay is better than I was getting at the last place, and I have much lower automotive costs.  Plus the whole tax write-off thing.

I paid a visit to some of my Accenture colleagues, they were . . . well . . . envious.  As well they should be.  

I'm a lot happier.  So, less posts.  Bad for you, good for me.  Also good for the children, as they see a lot more of Daddy, not just an hour between dinner and bedtime.  I think they're enjoying it, so far.

I'll check in now and again, and maybe post once in a while, but probably not on the epic scale of the Zombie Shopping List.  At least, not until I get a lot more settled in my new role.  

I'm glad to see so many of my circle of friends are still committed to blogging here.  It's not that I'm blogging somewhere else, I just have fallen off the wagon.  Or gotten on it, depending on who you ask.  And Vox hasn't changed their format, it's still a great place to say what's on your mind.

If only I had anything to say.

No, rather, I want to call out the Republicans who are calling for a return to fiscal responsibility.

Forgot what happened when you had control of the White House and Congress?  Short memories indeed, considering the fiasco that was the bank bailouts.  

And to put Bobby Jindal on screen?  Do you really think Americans are stupid enough to forget what the Bush Administration did in that very governor's state?  At least Jindal's vaguely competent, though far too socially conservative for my tastes.

No, sorry, you don't get to essentially double the national deficit (between the two Bush administrations), and then get on stage and point fingers at the Democrats.

At the risk of incurring further racist accusations, let's call a spade a spade here.  If you wanted to seize the "fiscal responsibility" high ground, you had your chance for the last 8 years, and you fucked it up.  

Do I think the Democrats are going to do any better?  Nope.  In the words of economist Roger Nightingale, "Most political plans are aimed at preserving the status quo of the politicians, rather than helping the economy."  But to stand there and say, "Those other guys, they're the fiscally irresponsible ones," well, fuck you.

What's it to be?  Fiscal responsibility for the people who have, predominantly, been fiscally responsible, and rewards to the fiscally irresponsible in the form of taking tax dollars from the fiscally responsible and giving it to these ivory backscratcher bastards?

I see through your administration's lies, Mr. Obama.  For that is what they are.  If you wish to preach fiscal responsibility, start by making the fiscally irresponsible take their lumps.  Citigroup needs to be broken up and sold.  Bank of America needs to be burnt to the ground.  US automakers need to be allowed to sink.

I would rather have my home be worth 9% less tomorrow than pay for my neighbor's mortgage.  According to the county assessor's statement I received on Saturday, my home is already worth about 25% less than it was last year, and no one on my block was foreclosed on, and that's just what the government says, not what the market says.  Another 9% isn't going to bother me much, but paying for two mortgages when I only own one house is, simply, wrong.  If I lost my job tomorrow, and lost my house a month later, it would be tragic.  But I would not expect a handout from the government.  

The Bush administration's policies of handing over my tax dollars to failed banking institutions, that's what started all of this.  Now, everyone wants a handout.  Well, Mr. Obama?  What's it to be?  It's either everyone (fiscally irresponsible) or no one (fiscally responsible).

Build your roads.  I'm annoyed about many of the provisions in your stimulus package, including rural broadband (if there is demand, someone will fill it - if you want to argue "last mile" coverage, we can argue that as well), but building roads is something the government is supposed to do with my tax dollars, so I'm not terribly sad about that.

If you really want to fix things, roll back the Bush administration's Dickensian changes to bankruptcy law.  Put the onus back on the banks for absorbing the losses.  Give all those "honest families" which got into this mess through no fault of their own a real way out.  A fiscally responsible way out.  A way out that they had until the banks and credit companies, which you are now helping with massive handouts, successfully changed the rules to screw the people.  That's not likely to happen, of course, since you appointed, as head of the Treasury, someone who played fast and loose with tax laws (fiscally irresponsible), and someone who orchestrated the bailout of the fiscally irresponsible banks under Paulson during the swan song of the Bush Administration.  If you're annoyed that you inherited this deficit, why did you appoint someone who was so clearly part of the problem?

But if you want to go on with this "fiscal responsibility" rhetoric and your "belt tightening" agenda, start with the people who need a lesson in both.

Anyway, it means I personally am on high alert around my house (higher than normal anyway).  So, last night, when both girls woke up screaming at the same time . . . 

Well, I can't really tell you how I got into their room.  I don't remember.  I remember the red mist descending, and then I remember being in their room.  The intervening time, well, that went somewhere else.  Somewhere deep down in the old reptile parts of my brain.  Offspring in trouble -> activate murderous killing spree.

All I know is this: whoever was in there was going out through the window with me.

Apparently, I kicked something on the way in, though, because my foot hurts something terrible this morning.

There was no one in their room, of course.  It was a bad dream or something.  Lotus doesn't even remember waking up this morning, and Tesla was still sleeping soundly when I left for work.

Ladybug threw her back out, though, so she's in a bad way today.  The adrenaline rush in my system made me physically ill when it started to go sour.  I can't remember ever being that hopped up on homicidal rage.